Free Falling
by headtrip parade
Summary: A two or three chapter bit on the first time Maddie stays at Deacon's house.
1. Chapter 1

**I.**

Her felt her chest tighten slightly as she approached the front steps. It wasn't surprising to her, really, since the last time she had stood on his porch, she was accusing him of being her father.

The last time she sat on his couch, she had to tearfully explain the paternity results she had discovered.

The last time she used his bathroom, she stared at herself in the mirror for what seemed like hours while tears streamed down her face. She was cursing her mother and the man who claimed to be her father for lying, but mostly she was just cursing herself for wreaking such havoc.

"_Why did I have to snoop?"_

She remembered asking herself that question every minute from the second she found the report all the way until her parents' accident.

_Parents._

It was still almost too bizarre to comprehend, but she knew she was coming closer every day to accepting it, perhaps even being at peace with it, but not even acceptance and peace could calm the nerves as she knocked softly on the door, clutching her overnight bag for dear life.

Part of her wanted to run as fast as she could back to the Escalade and into the arms of her mother, but Maddie knew this was her own idea.

Daphne was attending a slumber party, her father was at some sort of political function she didn't care to know about in Washington, and her mother was going to be having a late night label function that she also didn't care to know anything about.

She and Rayna had mulled over different ideas- she could spend the night with Aunt Tandy, she could go to a friend's house, or they could even discuss the possibility of her being mature and responsible enough to stay home alone until the very early hours of the morning. She had shocked herself and her mother when she quickly and non-chalantly muttered, "I could stay with Deacon."

There was quite a bit of discussion, but ultimately everyone had come to an agreement.

It was going to happen, and though she didn't really want to admit it aloud to anyone, she was curious; she was even _excited._

She had been waiting for the opportunity to actually listen to his voice, study his face, and pick his brain. She did not want anything crazy; she just wanted to watch him move.

Did she get her nervous finger tapping from him? What about the strange way she contorted her arms when she slept? All of those little things she had come to notice over the years that she never thought twice about now bugged her. _Who am I, _she wondered.

Hearing the deadbolt unlatch, she took another deep breath and turned around to wave goodbye at her mother.

Rayna had offered to walk her in and help her settle in, but Maddie felt brave enough to do it on her own.

She smiled at her mother before turning around just as the door opened.

She gazed at him as curiously as she had the last time she stood there, but with much less fear; _so_ much less confusion.

She grinned shyly.

"Hi."


	2. Chapter 2

**II.**

He was almost positive he was sweating bullets as he led her down the hallway.

With the exception of Scarlett, the vast extent of his prior houseguests had been girlfriends and one night stands. He had absolutely no idea how to entertain a 14-year-old girl, and the impending task was terrifying him.

He'd had days to prepare, but it didn't matter. He went to the store, had Scarlett help him clean, and even hooked up his cable so she'd have something to watch, but it all was moot the second he saw her standing on his porch.

This wasn't his niece, or the child of a friend, or hell, even a random neighbor. Any of those would have been tenfold easier. This was his daughter; his own flesh and blood whom he barely knew.

Sure, he thought he knew her. He had watched her grow up. He went to her birthday parties, bought her gifts, and watched movies with her on the tour bus. He loved her because she was Rayna's, but at the same time, on some strange level, he could never really look at her. She embodied everything that he ever wanted. He _so_ wanted that life with her mother; he wanted to be the one standing behind her when she blew out her candles, but he wasn't. As much as he had loved her, seeing her grow before his eyes always served as a painful reminder of what he had lost.

_If only you had known, Deacon._

He shook his head, almost bitterly, trying to drown the thought.

"Scarlett's, uh…" He started awkwardly, making it approximately the third word he had said to her since she walked in. He flipped on the light to the bedroom. "She's in Mississippi with her mama, so you can sleep in here. I told her you were coming so I guess she cleaned up and changed the sheets and whatever else."

He watched her place her bag on the floor next to the bed and immediately begin taking in the photos on Scarlett's dresser. Most were of friends, but there were a few that were obviously family. She focused on those with a very mild curiosity gleaming in her eyes, but no expression on her face.

He stared at her. He wasn't quite sure what, if anything, he was looking for. He had remembered a conversation they had in New York, not long before the accident, where she told him she wished she looked more like Rayna instead of Teddy. He had meant it when he said she looked a lot like her mother, but now he was mentally kicking himself for never taking that closer look; for never actually _seeing_ what was there in front of him.

She still looked a lot like Rayna to him, most definitely, and he saw very little of himself. The most beautiful thing about her, he thought, was how she looked like her own person. She was growing into her own self, her own look, and her own personality every day and that suddenly made him proud.

He told everyone, including himself, every day that he knew nothing about being a father; that he wasn't built for it. What he did know, in that very instant, was that the best thing his daughter could be was herself. She didn't need to be him, nor Rayna. Hell, she definitely didn't need to be Teddy. She just needed to be Maddie. He wanted that for her more than anything in the world.

"You know, Maddie," she jumped slightly, and then shyly smiled at him. "If you, uh… if you have any questions for me about those pictures or about… anything, really, just ask. I'm not real sure what to say but I want you to be comfortable here."

She grinned a little harder, turning her attention back to the photos.

"Okay."


	3. Chapter 3

**III.**

He flipped off the TV and threw the remote on the end table next to him. They had just finished what he thought was a ridiculously bad scary movie on Showtime, but Maddie seemed enthused by it. He was beyond reluctant to start the film, but she insisted that she had seen far worse.

"It's one in the morning, kiddo. Your mama's gonna kill me."

She laughed lightly, sprawling herself out even more on the couch.

"I stay up this late all the time. She doesn't have to know."

"What are you doing sitting up so late all the time?"

She shrugged as she yawned, sinking further into the leather cushions. "I don't know. Playing my guitar, mostly."

He grinned at her, standing up to carry their ice cream bowls to the kitchen. "Well, it's paid off."

She grinned back at him sleepily.

Walking to the kitchen, he found himself letting out a sigh of relief. The day had started out awkwardly, for sure. He had known this girl her whole life and yet he wasn't sure what to say to her. He didn't know what to do, or what to think. She certainly wasn't a newborn, but he still had that "new dad" fear of completely breaking her.

Once she started talking, though, he was surprised to find how easy it was to talk to her.

She asked him all kinds of questions about his family. He tried to offer as little information as he could on his father, but she was no fool. He tried to keep it as age appropriate as possible, but by the end of it, he had explained to her the kind of monster his father was, and promised her that he had worked and was continuing to work hard not to be like him.

In a moment that almost brought tears to his eyes, she assured him he wasn't. She could "just tell."

He had told her that whatever relationship they had was up to her; he wasn't trying to take Teddy's place as her father, but that even though they both may still be working to adjust, he wanted to be there for her however she wanted.

She asked him about her mother and beamed at the light on his face when he talked about her.

She asked him about his drinking, and seemed to appreciate his honesty.

She asked him about his music.

He asked her about her music.

He asked her about school and her friends.

Much to his chagrin, she gushed about a boy named Tyler in her Algebra class.

Rinsing the bowls out, he chuckled, amazed that somewhere in the midst of all this they had managed to eat a meal and even play a couple of songs together.

He wasn't quite up to par after his hand injury, but he had come a long way. He didn't say it aloud, but he was more than happy to hang back a bit while she took the lead.

Her talent had never ceased to dazzle him, even when she was a child. Now that she was _his_ child, it made him even more proud.

Wiping his hands on his jeans, he walked back to the living room. He stopped in his tracks when he found her in the same spot where he had left her just a moment earlier, sleeping peacefully.

He stood awkwardly for a moment, not sure of what to do. He didn't want to wake her with the creaking hardwood.

"Maddie?" He whispered, thinking to himself that she would be more comfortable in Scarlett's bed than on the couch. He still didn't move his feet.

"Maddie?"

He gazed, waiting on her face to stir. Nothing.

Yawning, he tiptoed over to her and grabbed the blanket on the back of the couch, gingerly laying it over her and tucking in the sides.

As he walked back over to the lamp to switch it off, he turned around and gazed at her one more time.

He had been thrust into fatherhood more abruptly and painfully than he ever could have imagined. He had hurt himself and so many people, including her, in the process. He had no earthly idea what was expected of him in the days, weeks, and years to come.

He was only sure that this young woman sleeping in front of him was so smart, so beautiful, so sweet, so funny, and _so_ incredibly talented. If he had to be thrown into this way, he could not have asked for a better daughter to gain.

"_You and Rayna sure did make a special kid," _he thought to himself.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you to everyone for the reviews for this venture, as well as Inertia. This is my first tackle of fanfiction in about 8 years, so I'm a little rusty but thanks for the kind welcome. :)**

**I do apologize for thr chapters being so short. I wanted 2 and 3 to be one long one, but my doc manager was screwing up so I had to split them. Anyway, here is the final installment. :)**

He scrubbed the plates delicately, keeping his eyes on the jumbled bits of egg, toast, and homefries as they swirled their way down to certain death by way of garbage disposal. Maddie's overnight bag rested neatly by the front door, and she sat at the table behind him, equally as silent. It was the most quiet there had been in the house since she asked the first ice breaker.

He figured she was just tired. It had been late when she finally fell asleep and Rayna said she would be there promptly at 9, and he wanted to send her off with at least a half decent breakfast.

Had he turned around, he would have seen the look on her face as stared down at her hands. It was a look of fear, mostly, but also of doubt; of _want. _In her head she was asking the only question she had left; perhaps the most important question she had come there to ask.

"Are you and my mom going to get back together?"

The words sliced the silence so finely he could almost feel them slicing his soul. He dropped the fork he was scrubbing and sighed as he turned around.

The look on her face shattered his heart into a million pieces. She looked to be on the verge of tears, but he could tell she was focusing extremely hard on not letting them fall.

"Sweetie, I can't answer-"

"I miss having a family," Her looked up at him, burning his blue eyes wth her anguish. "Dad moved back in after the accident, but it wasn't the same. Now he and Peggy are getting married and having a baby and I don't feel like I belong anywhere in that mix. Mom works all the time. She's alone. All the two of you talk about is how 'in love' you were..."

His instinct was to run over to her and throw his arms around her tighter than anyone else ever had, but even through the progress they had made and were continuing to make, he didn't feel right about it.

He walked over slowly and pulled out the chair across from her, gathering what he wanted to say as he put his hand over hers. She kept her head down.

"Maddie, look at me."

She slowly, almost reluctantly raised her head. He could tell a couple of stray tears had managed to find their way out.

"I loved your mama more than anything in the world. I still do, but there's just been so much that's happened. It's too-"

"Complicated?"

He chuckled a little, figuring she had already heard this one or a million times before. "Yeah, it is. And I sure wish I had all the answers for you and could tell you what would happen, but I just can't."

"Is it because of me?"

"No, sweetie. No," she wiped a single tear while he rubbed his face trying to come up his words. "I once told your mama that we've got so much water under our bridge. What I didn't quite know when I said that to her was that sometimes the dams just don't hold."

"But if you're so in love once, and you still love someone, you can go back and make it right, can't you?"

He sighed. He didn't want to break her heart, or her naivety. Hell, his biggest fear in that moment was that she would experience enough pain as he and Rayna had and she could understand.

He opened his mouth to say something, anything; he wasn't sure what, but he was interrupted by a quick knock and the door opening.

"Anybody home?"

Maddie grabbed her hand from his and stood up, sadly smiling at him to let him know she understood what he was saying. He stood up and nodded towards the living room, watching her run and hug her mother.

"My girl! Did you have fun?"

"I did."

"Okay, well say bye to Deacon and get your stuff. We've got to pick up Daphne before Julie's mom starts charging me overtime."

Maddie turned, without hesitation and wrapped her arms around Deacon's neck. He felt his eyes go hot. He couldn't admit it to himself in the hours and days after he found out about his daughter, but this is really all he had wanted; all he had_ needed. _

"Thank you," she whispered softly.

He slowly raised his hands to her back, patting gently. He quickly glanced at Rayna, acknowledging her sad smile with a wink.

"Thank you, sweetheart."

He meant it. In less than 24 hours, she had helped him crack a shell of himself he always thought to be uncrackable.

As quickly as she had come into his life, it seemed, she had ran past her mother, grabbed her bag, and went out to the porch.

Rayna gave a quick wave and a hurried goodbye before starting for the door.

"Hey, Ray," she turned around to face him. "You and I have done and wrote a lot of good things. I think... she's the best."

Rayna smiled softly and carefully grabbed his hand.

"I'm sorry about everything, Deacon."

He looked into her blue eyes and grinned, a part of him hoping he was able to hide the pure, immense love he knew was showing through his own.

"Water under the bridge." They stood just like that for a minute, looking at each other and figuring things out in their own heads. He nodded towards the front door and dropped his hand, watching her walk out of his life for at least today.

Sighing, he walked over to the storm door and watched them both walk down the sidewalk.

"...and we watched a movie."

"Oh yeah? It wasn't that scary movie, was it?"

"No mom, duh."

He chuckled and shut the main door, leaning up against it.

_"But if you're so in love once, and you still love someone, you can go back and make it right, can't you?"_

God, he hoped so.


End file.
